the vehicle

Sometimes a sight will suddenly bring back a long forgotten memory from childhood.

And then I will find myself wondering how many other memories are hidden from me in the recess of my own brain and i will be filled with wonder at the prospect of someday discovering new worlds there.

The inner space we have never adequately explored.

The worlds within the worlds within the worlds. And the marvelous thing is that they are waiting for me.

If i fail to discover them it is only because i haven’t yet built the right vehicle-which will take me to them.

If i learn to build the right vehicle (or get on to one going that way!) then i can discover even more unknown territories.

fan club

member One
admirably i look up as i feel the aura of presence..
calmness, compassion, understanding, humour, knowledge, experience, love- all of it personified into one

alert and sensitive to the vibes that sail out of her.. i wonder if the others around me feel them.. a prang of jealously distracts me and i look around to notice the others

member Two
impressed by the school of thought
fun, teasing, gossip, friends, current affairs, care, spirituality- yada yada i enjoy thoroughly

a stimulated mind and an easy feeling heart.. i wonder what that person thinks of me..
a tickle down my spine leaves me conscious and i am left only trying to sit up straight

member Three
looking forward to the company
easy going, individualistic, allowing, experimenting, adventurous- some of the many qualities

a twinkle in the eye and the permission to speak out my mind.. i unwind as this god sent absorbs me a pull myself in as i stop to wonder if i could be like wise in return

member Four
the ultimate
charming, creative, innovative, experimenting, loving, passionate, funny, sensitive, permissive,.. beyond my limited vocabulary

i long for the moment, to feel safe, warm, loved, forgiven, encouraged, stimulated, chirpy, excited, re-energised
i cling on- not feeling jealous, not feeling conscious, not feeling obliged.. only feeling loved.

Snapshots

a colourful masala box!(can u smell the fresh spicy mixed aroma?)

for the foodies..


symmetry! a carpet loom in Badhoi(UP)


the colourful Gods on our head!

self (---?---)

one
only one
provision(grateful), compulsion(acceptance)

boss (compulsion)


two
more than two
choice(pleasure), selection(privilege), comparision(dilemma)

food (choice, selection)
clothes(choice, selection, comparision)
gadgets(choice, selection, comparision)
jobs(selection, comparision)
friends (selection)
lovers (comparisons)

self(----?----)

french windows

on looking the greens
in a secluded corner of the city...
away from the hustle-bustle..
on a quiet slope

i hear the faint calling of different birds
smell the fragrance of different flowers
sitting in a room with french windows

only thing i hear is a silence
only thing i feel is a hiding heart beat
as i feel the stillness from the outside creeping into me

what is inside me now is what is outside me
tranquillity, equanimity
sitting in a room with french windows

tears

today when briefing my group.. i said something that came straight from my heart..something which at a rational level was my research objective.. but had become something i had begun to believe was the reason i was standing there. i told them- "we're here to talk about things you have always kept within you.. things which shud be released.. shud be shared.. for your own good.."

i saw tears rolling out of unkown eyes.. each drop saying a story sadder than the other.. i melted.. now the research objective was way behind and me 'being there' for them was top priority..

when one woman has tears.. everyone else seems to be looking down.. looking away.. through flooded eyes.. all (including me) feel that heavy sinking feeling..

i was just wondering- how often do people open up and cry aloud.. how often do they release their worries.. do they talk about it.. or do they distract themselves... do they release it.. do they choose to ignore it.. does it differ by gender.. do all these tricks really help them release their pain.. can one's own's actually sorrow be diluted in their own tears.. i dont know.. but they did cry and so did all the others..

for me- crying helps a lot.. but i cant talk about it. this is what i have come to terms with.

inspired

i think i'm the last person to create a blog.. but hash's blog has inspired me to make this move.. thank you hash.