will pheonix twice a month for months

Ji Leh Apni Zindagi

Bollywood has always known to capture deep human behaviors 

Ji ke Apni Zindagi- DDLJ is something I feel for 7 days every 2 weeks.

Chemo sucks the hell out of me every 2 weeks. The pre tests, the anxiety, the full day of treatment and the next three days of the tourist visa to Hell takes away 7 days every 2 weeks.

The other 7 days.. the rebellious me takes over.. unnecessary errands, indulgent eating, bars where I sip sweetened colourful mocktails or straight up expressos. I indulge myself like there is not tomorow. 

Ji rahi hu apni zindagi

undependable independence

2 am

2:00 am, mall lights already off

Unable to identify if either of us really managed to get some sleep. but i know for sure we are both wide awake now.

A speechless routine- stepping out of bed, reassuring, acknowledging eye contacts, a sense of "knowing"

Ghar ki Kheti

Blessed with good hair

Experimented the good hair

Flaunted the good hair

Abused the good hair

Lived the mantra of Ghar ki Kheti hai.. ugg jaayegi

Feel cursed as the crop fails

Desperate measures to conserve whatever can be

Considering hiding the consequences

Weep as I accept

Balancing the Karma with Cancer

Cancer slaps Ghamand

One of my closest friend today.. froze when he saw my wonderful gujju hair on a flight one 6 am

I have used my cleavage for more reasons I can ever justify

I have demonstrated superheroic stamina in troubled times to stand by friends and family

I party like there is no tomorow

All such and more have made me soar high on "ghamand" self confidence for over 40 years

Today, undergoing chemo, I wonder- 

Will the friend care to meet

I might need to use a money purse to replace my bosum for money stash

Will I be less of a friend to those who i am willing to die for

Some of the bars will shut down coz of me not falling at their doorstep

But the scary realisation is- what about me can I now be ghamadi of? 

Need an anchor.

Earn my love

Look at me

Think of me

Miss me

Love me

Appreciate me

Thank me

Respect me

Earn my love

Want me

Woo me

Ask me

Hold me

Hug me

Caress me

Have me

Earn my love

the accross-the-road salon

There are days when you

Wake up rested
Hear the birds chirp
Love the morning workout
Fix the perfect tea
Almost sing with the discovery of an amazing handmade soap
Have pulled out favorite, awesome looking comfy clothes (yes this combo exists for me)
Choose day-heels over slip-ons
Accessorise classily
Be excited about the new lipstick shade
Look forward to an awesome day at work and an evening with lovely people

However, thanks to the accross-the-road salon shutting shop...
Not having the perfect hair dampens the spirit

Today is a day like this.

I slip away, I'm okay with it

I have never been group compatible... So when one comes together,
I slip away

I don't think I'm not all that bad with people in general...but when too many come together,
I slip away

Its the times I realise I am physically present, mentally elsewhere... and emotionally absent,
I slip away

I'm okay with it